Finding Her Voice: Kia's Story
By Kristen Wall, Negotiation Works volunteer
Kia is a single mom and co-parent, a community advocate, and a cancer survivor. Even though she has faced significant health and financial challenges, her optimism and enthusiasm are infectious. Kia took Negotiation Works’ course in early 2021 through participation in Together We Bake's workforce training and personal development program, and she has since embraced negotiation as a way to advocate for herself, her daughter, and her community. Negotiation has empowered her to work more productively with others, to listen more carefully to her options, and to have a voice. "[The negotiation training] taught me a lot. What I got from it is to use active listening and make sure that I listen to the other side and come up with a reasonable plan - so you have to think and then react. Before, I would just react and react and react and wouldn’t hear anybody. Now I’m able to at least hear the other side, listen, let it sink in, comprehend. I can communicate and be productive in the world and empower other people.” Kia is using negotiation in all areas of her life to advocate for her interests, to build more satisfying friendships, to support her daughter’s education, and to build a better life.
“I just didn’t give up”
Using negotiation, Kia was able to recover more than a thousand dollars that had been garnished from her wages for an overdue credit card bill. As a single mother, the loss of income was significant. Before she learned about negotiation, Kia says, she would not have thought to advocate for herself. However, after attending negotiation training, she thought that negotiation could be an option. She realized that she did not have the legal knowledge she needed to be an effective advocate for herself, so she sought assistance from Legal Aid to work with the credit card company. “I don’t think I would have sought a lawyer [before I knew about negotiation],” Kia says. “I probably would have just been in debt and stayed there and then tried to get out later.” Her lawyer was able to present her with two options for resolving the situation. After considering her options, Kia chose to pay the credit card company $500 and receive $1200 in her previously garnished wages back. “I’m proud of not just giving up. I heard both sides and was able to stand for myself.” One wrinkle remains: Kia has identified a discrepancy in her paystub, but she is determined to work through this issue by getting clear documentation from her company about how much has been taken from her paycheck.
“Now I have a voice”
Knowing that she has the option and skills to negotiate has helped Kia advocate for herself with her housing agency. After a failed housing inspection, Kia learned that the Housing Authority was going to return to inspect her house, but she didn’t know when they were coming or what their concerns were. She decided to negotiate with them and asked for advance written notice of the inspection so that she could be home to resolve any issues that might arise. “So now they are starting to write me letters saying that they’re coming back on [a specific date]… and that’s communication. Now when they come, they leave maintenance notes. They need to do this, and they’re supposed to! They need to treat us like human beings…. I was able to negotiate for [those things] myself and it was awesome.” As a member of the Resident Association Board in her public housing building, Kia wants to improve the quality of life for herself and others in the building by continuing to ask for better communication from the Housing Authority.
Kia has been working for the past 14 years as a community advocate at a community development organization. She uses negotiation to advocate to the organization on behalf of the participants. She has negotiated to pick up food for participants if the organization can fund it. She also ensures that there is adequate child care for program participants and that the organization is giving community members proper door access to get into trainings. Being an advocate for the community gives Kia a sense of meaning and helps her amplify the voice of others.
Negotiation is helping Kia advocate for her daughter’s education as well. Her daughter has an individualized education plan (IEP) at school and needs longer test times. Kia says that she is ready to negotiate for her daughter’s needs. Her daughter also recently came home upset that a book at school had a derogatory racial term in it. Kia knows how she will approach the conversation with school staff to have the book removed. “Negotiate with them - let them know how I feel and see if they can take it out, and if not, let them know that I can call the NAACP. If you don’t want to listen to me, then we’ll go somewhere else with it.”
“The sky is the limit”
Negotiation is opening up new possibilities for Kia’s future. After 14 years as a contractor at her organization, Kia is setting her sights higher and wants to get benefits and a badge. From a negotiation standpoint, she feels confident in approaching the negotiation with her boss. “I know what I deserve. I’m going to hear both sides and say ‘Hey, you’re going to lose me if you don’t [give me benefits and more hours]’. I don’t think it’s fair for me to be a contractor for almost 14 years….. Now that I have the diploma, I feel I need to negotiate with them and go to the boss.”
In her personal life, Kia has found more peace and clarity with her relationships and friendships. “With friends, basically I’m able to sit back and listen to my friends, know my boundaries, negotiate like, am I going to deal with this or am I not? …You just can’t steal my joy anymore.” Now that she is using active listening, she is more aware of when her relationships are leading her in a direction she doesn’t want to go. “Using those new negotiation skills I have, I am just listening to people and what they [are] saying, and I’ve decided they’re not going to use me anymore. So that’s helping with my mental health and my friendships and just having my peace.” She is also sharing what she learned. "Even today one of my friends was talking and I told him, you have to use active listening and you have to negotiate… it’s because we come from a neighborhood [where] you don’t get that kind of insight or help. No one ever told us.”
Kia is even applying principles of negotiation to her approach to life. “I don’t want to be on public assistance for the rest of my life. I just negotiate with myself – I say, Kia you have to get a good job, you have to do better if you want better.” She wants to go to college, and she negotiated her rent down so that she would have the financial means to attend college. She is also using her negotiation skills to seek more legal help for challenging co-parenting situations involving a recent car accident as well as child support.
Negotiation has opened up new possibilities for Kia. “Being in the training gave me the option to know I DO have a voice. I know I don’t just have to be negative; I can listen to people and have the same voice they do and stand up for myself, not give up, be a baby fighter negotiator! Haha!”